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3 Top Tips For Urban Refugees (From the Country People)

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Not pictured: aromas and sounds

Hi, City Folks! We’re your new country neighbors, and this is your welcome basket.

If you live in the country, chances are quite good that you’ve noticed that land prices are shooting up and you’re seeing more and more people with “Coexist” stickers on their bumpers than ever before. If you live in the city, chances are quite good that you are doing everything in your power to get out of that city. It may be because you’ve always dreamed of country life and now COVID-19 has made it so that you can work remotely. It may be because the guy you voted for doesn’t seem interested in law and order, and you’re getting nervous for your safety. Whatever your reason for coming here to the country, welcome! Here are three top tips to make your transition easier.

1. The Circle of Poop

As spring begins, you will open your windows to let in the fresh breeze and the chirping of birds and little bugs as you sleep. In the morning, when you wake, you might smell something. It will be a smelly smell, one that smells smelly. This may very well offend your urban or suburban nostrils, and what’s worse, it won’t immediately go away. You will be tempted to get the Homeowners’ Association on the line. When you realize that there is no HOA out in your new country idyll, you may be tempted to call the police about that awful smell. We country folks recommend that you not do that, and here’s why:

That smell is manure, but the actual proper spelling is “money.” That is the smell of money. And yes, our local law enforcement is aware.

2. No, We Are Not Stalking You

You were driving down the gravel lane, worrying about whether the pebbles will nick your Audi, when your new neighbor passed you in the opposite direction. He did something weird when he did it: He lifted his hand off the wheel and…like…flipped it at you. But he used his whole hand, not just that one City Finger. Then you went to the store and the lady behind the counter, whom you’ve never met, asked you how you’re settling in. Oh, this is so creepy…why can’t people mind their own business? We country folks recommend that you relax, and here’s why:

That guy was waving hello to you, and the reason why the lady behind the counter at Publix knows you’re new here is because there are 200 people in this town. You and your Audi kinda stick out. Yes, it’s a little uncomfortable to realize that you’re no longer anonymous…until you realize that what’s going on here is that you are no longer anonymous because we are welcoming you to our community. We take care of each other out here; we have to. We have law enforcement, and they do their best, but we’re realistic about what they can and can’t do to help us.

Go ahead and wave back, it’s okay. You will start enjoying it very soon.

3. Yes, That Was Gunfire. And So Was That.

You moved here to get away from all the noise, and a lot of the time it really is quiet…but not always. You’ll hear farm equipment. You’ll hear coyotes howling and foxes mating. You’ll also hear a lot of BOOM. And CRRRACK. And PING! PING! PING! As an urban dweller, you don’t have to have that particular sound explained to you. You’re right: That’s gunfire. Your first instinct may be to hit the deck; your second may be to call the local law enforcement. We country folks recommend that you take a moment to reassess before you do that, and here’s why:

The people who already live here know what the local laws are for shooting outdoors, and they’ve been doing it all their lives. They’re not threatening you or anyone else, and what they are doing is (almost certainly) legal. What’s more, it says absolutely nothing about the shooters, their political views, or anything else. In the country, guns are tools…no more, no less.

What you are hearing is freedom, ringing. Let it.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  2. My sincere advice to country folk is post your land, your town, and the roads leading to ’em:
    “City Folk Not Welcome Here” and treat them like the plague carriers they are.

    If they do want to move into your county, 5 years of documented Republican primary voting and NRA membership should be the minimum requirement. Even if you’re a country Democrat, believe me, these people aren’t like you.

    Reply

  3. Sorry Clark, but unless you are a bone fide farmer there “ain’t no” rural welfare. I’ve lived on acreages and paid taxes like you but also paid for garbage pick-up, road maintenance , private well, & private sewer both of which require upkeep, paid for storm damage/clean-up, etc… . Start to get the picture?
    As for farm subsidies, if the annual Congressional “Farm” bill wasn’t 90% give-aways to welfare programs like morning-noon-night school lunch programs, food stamps(SNAP), and international welfare, there might be an argument you could stand behind.

    Reply

  4. NOTE: Not all of us city slickers are liberal leftists. That should be common knowledge. As those of us in sprawling suburbs 30+ minutes away from any actual major city is still considered city by country standards. I wish o could bounce out of here ASAP!

    Reply

  5. I live in central Michigan. I do enjoy practice, training and shooting. Every time I go out and shoot there is a friendly reply of gun fire from neighbors in ear shot. It’s as if they are telling me they got my back. Yes it’s comforting to know that people all around the country are willing to keep the peace. I love God. I love this Country (USA). I love my freedom. Let freedom ring.

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  6. That last point about shots being fired in country. I was at a friends in TX that was 30 acres, they were selling me a rifle so I took it out to where we could set a target in the creek safely. Across the road urban sized lots filled up the area that was all pasture land when I was a kid and dove hunted some of the fields now covered with houses. Well after a few rounds were fired, Sheriff showed up to make sure we were all ok. Said wasn’t a problem but all those city folk who had moved out there seem to forget they are outside city limits and we were in a area where we could legally shoot.

    Reply

  7. Until I went to college, I never lived more than a mile from a plowed field. Small town America in the west had the best people. Unfortunately, I live in a county near Denver which used to be a Conservative sinecure but has been invaded (as has much of Colorado) by liberals. Liberty, free speech and common sense are now at risk here.

    Reply

  8. Hey, I resemble these remarks!
    Just kidding. I may not have been born in the country, but I got here soon as I could. Let freedom ring!

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  9. Unfortunately this crap is happening everywhere.. I live in rural Vermont and have seen first hand what happens to a state when the urbanites move in to find “solitude”. They get bored and get on school boards, select boards, and even get into higher offices where they have the power to change state laws and policies. I’ve had to get much more involved in local politics just to push back against them.. Personally I’d rather stab myself than sit in a room and listen to a bunch of liberals but we really have no choice anymore- we have to get involved. Keep fighting people.. and good luck. 2A!

    Reply

    • Dave, I hear you and my heart bleeds for you! Was born and raised in Vermont, always have considered myself a Vermonter. Most people now would not believe, but Vermont at that time was based on independence and conservative values (you could probably read Republican, as the only Democratic governor up until that time was Tom Salmon, and he didn’t last long). And we were just like the folks in this scenario, friendly, caring, and ready to step up any time someone needed help. Had often thought I would like to go back and retire there, but I realized a few years ago how bad the flatlanders have screwed things up. They moved there to get away from the “rat race”, and then decided they “needed” all of the things they had run away from. Just sad. Between the taxes and the politics, I guess Vermont probably won’t ever be the same ffor me again.

      Reply

    • I’ll take downwind from the hog farm a mile from here to some of the things I’ve smelled in large cities.
      Have to admit walking through a cow pasture prepped me for walking through downtown SF, but is was human feces and needles watching out for not cow patties.

      Reply

  11. Let’s hope that anyone who leaves the urban environment leaves their political views behind. The last thing small town American needs is leftists telling us what to do!

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  12. Dear Folks
    Here in the Pocono Mountains, where my family has been since long before the revolution, we live the REAL life. I have a rifle range in our back yard ( as do most of the people who live in this area ) and we do as we have always done. City people come into this area and insist that we do things the way that they did in their cities ( Mostly New York and it’s environs ). We welcome those who are willing to become ‘country people’, but have a REAL problem with those who want us to be like them. If it is soooo bad here, why don’t they just go back to the ‘scum-heaps’ that they came from. This is the real America!
    City people … you ain’t gonna change us! Get used to it!

    Reply

  13. My wife,five kids and I moved on 60 acres of wooded land in the country 27 years ago after seeing a gang fight right outside our bedroom window and never looked back. We had no electric for two weeks and no running water for a month. We now have a nice home with a pond, fruit trees and so much more than we ever had in the big city. People here are friendly not nosy and help each other out. I can shoot my guns anytime I want with no complaints from anyone and my neighbors do the same. I will never go back to the big city to live. I think people need to be more self sufficient and depend upon each other, their neighbors and not on a faceless soulless government.

    Reply

  15. 25 years ago, after 27 years in Dallas, TX I moved to the country. It was nice and quiet here, with only the morning and evening traffic of those going to and from work, which I was contributing to at the time, interrupting the quiet. Waving at neighbors was and is one of the most pleasant things about living out here in the styx. Actually getting to talk with them is another. I have shot everything from .22’s to a .338 Win Mag on my place and have never heard complaints nor have I been visited by the Sherriff because of it. Now I have neighbors that shoot occasionally, and it does not bother me in the least.
    The problem with some folks is that they move from places like the East and West coasts to gun friendly places like TX and bring their crazy coastal ideas and politics with them. As a popular bumper sticker used to proclaim “We don’t give a damn how you did it up North” still fits, only needs to be modified to fit the current situation. My point is don’t get your nickers in a twist if we target practice or hunt on our own [roperty. Talk to us and find out what is really going on over here on my place. You might find that you will be welcome to join me and learn a valuable skill, while having some real fun. That will be up to you.

    Phil in TX

    Reply

    • ‘If I owned Texas and Hell I would rent out Texas and live in Hell’ – General William Tecumseh Sherman. ‘Nuff said.

      Reply

      • Sherman was a war criminal and the first nazi. He should have been executed for his crimes against humanity after the Civil war…. yet, liberal scum are silent to his atrocities. So… keep your liberal, dual standard, treasonous mouth shut when the discussion exceeds your IQ level.

        Reply

  16. Take your damn Audi and go back to the shit hole city you voted to create…..and take your damn Liberal/Socialist voting patterns with you!!!!!!! We live out here because we don’t want to live any where near your Liberal/Socialist/free-shit world. We practice: One enjoys the fruits of one’s own labor.. No labor; no fruits; no joy. No Government Plantation Dwellers or free shit wagon slackers welcome. We don’t intend to be unfriendly, but we will defend American traditions, freedoms, liberties, and rights with YOUR life, as necessary.. As General Patton explained, “You don’t win a war by dying for your country (or values). You win a war by making some other Son of a Bitch die for his country (or values). Don’t feel welcome now?? Then, this aptly applies to you.

    Reply

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