3 Hunting Camp Guys I Could Do Without
The worst day hunting is better than the best day in the office…unless you’re hunting with these guys.
Those of us blessed enough to make a living writing about hunting and the outdoors have a few little secrets. One of them is that when we’re on assignment, we often don’t have much choice in who will be sharing the hunting camp with us. Most of the time, that’s a good thing; it means we’re exposed to lots of different viewpoints and techniques. But every now and then, we roll the dice and come up snake-eyes. Here are three different guys in hunting camp that I could just do without, forever, thank you very much.
Lord Dunning-Kruger
Have you ever heard of the “Dunning-Kruger” effect? Essentially, it’s the concept that the less a given person knows about a subject, the more likely they are to think of themselves as experts. (And vice-versa, too. People who are deeply knowledgeable about a subject are usually overly humble about their level of understanding.) If that doesn’t make much sense, don’t worry, neither does Lord Dunning-Kruger.
You will meet Lord Dunning-Kruger as he holds court in the camp kitchen. Lord Dunning-Kruger knows all. He knows more than the outfitter, the guides, and most of all, more than you. Furthermore, he will tell you all about it whether you like it or not. If Lord Dunning-Kruger ever had an unexpressed thought, it would rattle around in his skull like a BB in a boxcar.
I wouldn’t mind Lord Dunning-Kruger’s extended soliloquies if he actually knew what he was talking about. But he doesn’t, and that’s why he’s Lord Dunning-Kruger. I’d tell him so if he ever stopped talking.
Mr. Bolivian Marching Powder
Mr. Bolivian Marching Powder may not currently be inhaling, ingesting, or injecting an illegal stimulant of some kind. But you couldn’t prove it by watching him; Mr. BMP is full of beans. He’s wide awake at 3:30 in the morning, and he’s all ready to tell you about why you’re holding him up because you want 10 minutes to drink a cup of coffee before you go handle loaded firearms. This would be no more than a “morning person vs. night person” personality conflict if it weren’t for one thing…
…Mr. Bolivian Marching Powder is a night person, too! Did you want to call it an early night so you’d be nice and fresh for 4:00 a.m. tomorrow? Too bad! He’s riding high, talking fast and loud, and there just ain’t enough beer in this camp to settle him down. He and Lord Dunning-Kruger have a bull session planned for the hours of midnight through 3:30 a.m., and they’re both deaf as posts. Hope you brought your earplugs.
King Flag
I would spend the rest of my life joined at one hip to Lord Dunning-Kruger and to Mr. BMP at the other one before I spent another day in camp with King Flag. (Too bad I don’t have that choice.) King Flag isn’t always an obnoxious person to be around; sometimes he’s a fairly nice fellow. Nice, that is, unless you’re talking about his gun handling. King Flag is so named because the muzzle of his firearm has never met a soft target it didn’t like.
Good morning, King Flag! I see you’ve already loaded your magazine and racked one into the chamber. That’s nice. It’s even nicer how you have the muzzle flagging…well, let’s see, what are you flagging? My chest, the guide’s chest, the truck’s dashboard, and we haven’t even gotten to the blind yet! I appreciate the adrenaline rush–that sure woke me up faster than the coffee–but could you maybe? See your way clear? As a favor to me? To point your *%#$ing shotgun somewhere that isn’t a part of my body that I will miss if I lose it?
Have you ever met one of these guys in hunting camp? Tell us in the comments!
The competitor. Has to have the first shot at birds, or deer or turkeys. Then will barrage you with “I’m sure my whatever I shot is bigger than yours” . And heaven forbid if he does something nice for you, because he’ll keep telling you how nice he was for doing it. As well as everyone in earshot up to and including any dogs around.
Lord Dunning describes perfectly one of the guys that I used to go with for the fishing opener. an expert on everything and willing to tell you about it!
I think I have encountered all of these people at one time or another. That’s why I now only hunt and fish with my best friend and my sons. The older I get, the less patience I have with fools.
One of our relatives brought his roommate whose parents apparently are rich. Didn’t want to help with anything or pay for anything. Add he made two ‘sound’ shots, which are I heard something in the bushes. He got a spike complained that someone wasn’t there to clean and skin it for him. I wound up having to show him how to do it because the guy who brought him is ready to kill him. Same trip the family homicidal maniac shows up and I get told to shoot him if he reached for the gun in his boot. Luckily all were family by marriage and the dad who owned the ranch showed up and we got some sanity.
Met them all. Still alive. But do my hunting solo. Away from all that noise and bad vibes. If I can hear them go farther away where they are sending the game. Lol
The Grim Reaper. He’s a guest, and more than happy to show you (and anyone else that’s standing around) the pictures he has on his phone of ALL of the game he has taken since cell phone cameras were invented (thanks Apple!). Non stop bragging of the property he has access to throughout the country, and yet, is at our humble camp. Which by the way, is apparently not as nice as his. He seems to be related to Lord Dunning-Kruger, because he’s an expert at all things slaying.
Send this guy to the worst area to hunt, and hope he never comes back. Then have a talk with the IDIOT that invited him and is trying to “buddy up” to him in hopes of hunting on some of that “FINE HUNTING PROPERTY” he keeps bragging about.
Sounds like some serious pre-screening is needed. If anyone I was around was behaving like any of these fools I’d either have them leave immediately, or I would vacate the area myself. This is probably why I hunt and fish solo most of the time, then the only fools you need to be concerned about are the ones that are not part of your group but enter into the same area you are.at.
I have one for you. One of my buddies brought this FOOL on the hunt ,this guy was a real Blowhard .would not shut up! and would not quit guzzling beer! later he fell into the campfire ! ok the next morning we are trying to leave camp, quiet like, I get about 75 feet from camp and, BOOM ! He pops off a round ! Every one thought he had shot his self. Last time he’s going with us.
Mr. Lazy,
This is the guy who shows up at deer camp and doesn’t raise a finger to do anything. The only lifting he does, are 12 oz, cans of cheap beer. He gets up from the dinner table and never bothers to clean a plate, let alone a pan. He never thinks that bringing in some firewood for the stove might be kind of nice.. His empty cans are left wherever he finishes them for somebody else to throw away. And, he never brings anything to share but will gladly help himself to food and drinks that others have brought.
How about the guy that brings his “blood trial sniffing dog” that pee’s on your equipment and puts its scent on everything…always a desirable attractant for deer hunting! GRRrrr Even pee’d on my water bottles and I managed to get a bacterial infection from handling it only figuring this out after a full day. New in camp hunting club rule…no dogs allowed during hunting season.
You forgot the “Target Shooter” who, upon arrival at the rough camp site, pulls out his .22 pistol, and starts plinking every thing in sight BEFORE, or maybe in lieu of, helping set up camp! “Well, I never get to go to the range, so I just wanted to loosen up a bit before I shoot my .500 Nitro Express deer rifle…” Not only scares the ever lovin’ crap out of YOU, because he has no concept of muzzle discipline, or ricochets, but also alerts every game animal in that part of the world to your existence! You can kick ole’ Billy Bob’s butt, but, the Target Shooter just never seems to get the message…
Mr. Bang. Jokester who thinks it’s funny to throw a handful of .22 rounds in the campfire and yell “Duck” just to watch everyone scramble for the nearest tree.
Sadly… at one time or another, I have run into each one of these losers. There’s also one other really unpleasant character who can show up — Billy Bad Ass.
Now, Billy is mad at the whole doggoned world. He is either some sort of a political nut case, or he has some other hobby horse that he just will not shut up about. He has to expound his point of view, endlessly, and in a loud voice. [Just the thing for deer hunting, right?] Oh, and if you don’t voice your immediate agreement will Mr. Bad Ass, he wants to start a fight. No, not an argument — he wants an excuse to fight you. [Just the thing to enliven a morning where everybody around is armed to the teeth.]
I could really, really go about the rest of my days quite happily if I did not have to run into Billy Bad Ass ever again, especially while on a hunting trip.
My Mr. Flagg was someone I’ll always remember. The day I qualified for my CWP, we were at the gun range and my Mr. Flagg was on the shooting line, when he had a question. He turned, with his loaded pistol in hand, finger on trigger, to ask his question. As he turned, he was pointing his weapon at the rest of us “moving targets” who were standing at our shooting station, waiting to fire.. Needless to say, this guy did NOT get his CWP that day.